James Van Der Beek reflects on grief after wife's 3 miscarriages

James Van Der Beek (L), pictured with Kimberly Brook, penned an emotional note after Brook went public about her miscarriages. File Photo by James Atoa/UPI

By Annie Martin, UPI

James Van Der Beek is sharing his thoughts on grief following his wife's three miscarriages.

The 41-year-old actor penned an emotional note on Instagram after Kimberly Brook went public about her miscarriages in a post last week.

"It will tear you open like nothing else. It's painful and it's heartbreaking on levels deeper than you may have ever experienced. So don't judge your grief, or try to rationalize your way around it," Van Der Beek wrote. "Let it flow in the waves in which it comes, and allow it it's rightful space."

"Once you're able... try to recognize the beauty in how you put yourself back together differently than you were before," he said. "Many couples become closer than ever before. Many parents realize a deeper desire for a child than ever before. And many, many, many couples go on to have happy, healthy, beautiful babies afterwards."

The Dawson's Creek alum said he dislikes the term "miscarriage" because it "suggests fault" with the mother.

"We need a new word for it. 'Mis-carriage', in an insidious way, suggests fault for the mother - as if she dropped something, or failed to 'carry,'" the star said.

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Wanted to say a thing or two about miscarriages... of which we’ve had three over the years (including right before this little beauty). First off - we need a new word for it. “Mis-carriage”, in an insidious way, suggests fault for the mother - as if she dropped something, or failed to “carry.” From what I’ve learned, in all but the most obvious, extreme cases, it has nothing to do with anything the mother did or didn’t do. So let’s wipe all blame off the table before we even start. Second... it will tear you open like nothing else. It’s painful and it’s heartbreaking on levels deeper than you may have ever experienced. So don’t judge your grief, or try to rationalize your way around it. Let it flow in the waves in which it comes, and allow it it’s rightful space. And then... once you’re able... try to recognize the beauty in how you put yourself back together differently than you were before. Some changes we make proactively, some we make because the universe has smashed us, but either way, those changes can be gifts. Many couples become closer than ever before. Many parents realize a deeper desire for a child than ever before. And many, many, many couples go on to have happy, healthy, beautiful babies afterwards (and often very quickly afterwards - you’ve been warned 😍). I’ve heard some amazing metaphysical explanations for them, mostly centering around the idea that these little souls volunteer for this short journey for the benefit of the parents... but please share whatever may have given you peace or hope along the way... Along with a new word for this experience. #miscarriage #WeNeedANewName #MoreCommonThanYouHearAbout @vanderkimberly

A post shared by James Van Der Beek (@vanderjames) on Sep 7, 2018 at 3:47pm PDT

"From what I've learned, in all but the most obvious, extreme cases, it has nothing to do with anything the mother did or didn't do. So let's wipe all blame off the table before we even start," he added.

Brook said in a post Sept. 5 that she's had five babies and three miscarriages in nearly eight and a half years of pregnancy.

"Sometimes it's exhausting. Sometimes it's heaven. Physically and emotionally on both accounts. I share this because I love my family so much. I'm so grateful for these beautiful souls that asked to come in," she wrote.

Van Der Beek and Brook are parents to 7-year-old daughter Olivia, 6-year-old son Joshua, 4-year-old daughter Annabel, 2-year-old daughter Emilia and 2-month-old daughter Gwendolyn. Van Der Beek shared a photo with his four eldest children Monday during a pancake breakfast at home.

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I’ve gotten super-nerdy about #pancakes... adding ingredients, experimenting, making them healthy, gluten-free, blah blah blah. I’d like to tell myself these smiles wouldn’t be as big if I just squeezed some batter out of a plastic bottle... so that’s exactly what I’m going to tell myself 🤫

A post shared by James Van Der Beek (@vanderjames) on Sep 10, 2018 at 9:32am PDT